Today I find myself feeling slightly better than I have the past few days. I can’t even begin to express how grateful I am for that. I find when I start feeling overwhelmed and a little out of sorts that I tend to retreat into a little ‘rabbit’ hole and try to avoid much more then basic convesations with people. It makes it easier to not say things when I get annoyed, plus it gives me the opportunity to think and reflect on why I’m feeling the way I do.
I appreciate y’all who have commented and who have reached out to check on me. It means a great deal. I do believe that part of it is an adjustment period for everything that is going on in my life. I know that once JJ is house trained, that things will be a little easier. I do believe that giving in to doing what needs to be done as opposed to fighting it because I’m missing this, that and the other that needs to be done has helped.
I do have some anxiety associated with not getting my work done on time, and because work depends on me being able to concentrate, I can get overwhelmed. That’s why I’m typing this right now as opposed to working. I needed a little break.
The great thing is, Marcel is off for the next few days, which affords me to sleep late, eat breakfast and begin work much earlier. For that I’m very grateful.
Someone mentioned yesterday that I like to be in control of things, and I never really thought much about that until it was mentioned to me. It wasn’t mentioned in a negative tone, although the first thing I thought of was a certain person who remains nameless, who is attempting to make the lives of some of those I love the most miserable with her need to be in complete control at all times of any and everyone in her environment. That’s a story for another time, or maybe not at all- we’ll have to see about that one.
Anyway- I started thinking about it, and this person was right- I really do like to be in control of things, or at least things that are concerned with my own life. I like to have my ducks in a row, and I like things to flow a certain way- and when they don’t, I struggle with it.
Maybe we are all this way a little. Maybe that’s why when Marcel suggested that I look into refurbished laptops as opposed to buying a new one, I said no. Ok, well maybe that’s overdoing it a little. I know they are probably great, but I had in mind something in particular that I wanted, and when I didn’t get the Mac, I at least wanted the other.
What about you? Do you think you like to be in control?