I was browsing online a few days ago looking for specific things that I needed for my company and at the same time I was emailing with a friend who asked if I needed Gneil federal labor law posters to hang. Since I am a one person company, I guess that doesn’t exactly apply to me- but who knows what the future may bring.
I’m in the process of doing some 2013 goal setting and it could prove to be a great year!! Now to just keep my plans moving forward and have a little patience.
I love balance- not only in my life- but in everything around me. We’ve had GREAT weather this week- amazing, in fact- but the blue skies are now cloudy- and it’s begun to rain. I don’ t mind. In fact, I’m sitting outside on the covered verandah as I type this enjoying the smell of rain and the feel of the temps dropping. It also means that I won’t need to water the plants tonight, as Mother Nature has that covered.
Balance- It’s so important isn’t it? In all aspects of life. I can tell when I find myself getting out of balance and know that it’s time to start being more aware. It’s a great thing in my eyes- an inner compass so-to-speak and as long as I pay attention I know I’m where I need to be.
I was at a restaurant for dinner not too long ago and when I ordered coffee- this is what they gave me- “Happy Beanz”. The name alone made me smile, but the coffee was delicious!
I’ll admit that I was a bit skeptical since they used to serve my beloved Illy coffee, and I was sad to see it gone, but this gave Illy a run for the money. It’s still not my beloved, but it was really good and with a name like Happy Beanz- how can you go wrong?
It’s the eve of my 45th birthday and in spite of being really busy today- I’ve spent some time thinking about the past year and all the blessings I am surrounded with. I have aligned myself and surrounded myself with some wonderful and amazing people, all of whom I love and rejoyce in knowing they are there for me if and when I need them for an ear- or just to bounce an idea off of.
Tomorrow- my actual birthday, I’ll spend with my favorite guy- we’ve made reservations at Jamie Oliver’s Fifteen- one of my favorite places to have dinner and I plan on indulging- I’ve already been checking out the menu and I know it will be wonderful.
I’m looking forward to this next year- of being happy and healthy- and continuing on my journey of life, love and learning.
I’ve been watching the Oprah Life classes on oprah.com and finished my last one this past weekend. I’ve learned so much during these classes and have been thrilled to share them with a really good friend, which makes the learning experience even richer. I’ve gained a lot of knowledge about letting go of some things (and people) I’d been holding on to- that I didn’t need to be.
People who know me know that my intentions are never to hurt people, but at the same time- I believe healthy boundries are important for everyone. I’m not a doormat- which I knew, but I struggled with some guilt for putting my distance between people that I knew had become toxic to be around. The guilt wasn’t because I didn’t know I needed the boundries- but because of the expectations they had and when I stopped playing into the victim role they are constantly in, the dynamics changed. They became outraged and I heard a lot of pretty interesting things- that I was a bad friend- that I only cared about my ‘other’ friends- that I was this, that and the other.
At first- it hurt me, but then I had to think about whether those things were true. It took me a while, but I evaluated the friendship and realized that I’d always been there- if they needed me- I dropped what I was doing and called them, or went to them and the list goes on.. I never asked for anything in return- EVER. I went through every point they made and I came up blank. Don’t get me wrong- I am by no means a saint or perfect person, because I make more than my share of mistakes- but in this situation- it was more of a someone having expectations of how they thought things should be and when I took a step back- the proverbial bomb dropped.
I thought about it- A LOT! and in hindsight I realized that nothing was ever enough. I love them and wish them nothing but the absolute best in life- but there was too much negativity and victimization going on- constantly- energy vampire if you will. Something I have seen with VERY FEW people in my lifetime.
This happened a long time ago- but it wasn’t until recently that I really felt released and knew that the decision I’d made was the right one.
What I learned during life class was exactly what I’d seen happen- is that when we decide we want to let go of those who try to pull us down- and into the darkness that they will fight and scratch and pull hair to try to stay in control and manipulate to keep you in that space. But that’s a space I’ve gladly left behind and plan to keep at my back.
Does this mean I won’t have bad days- or that no one else should either? Absolutely NOT! It means that in that happening that I don’t have to be a doormat and no one else does either. I’m surrounding myself with gallon people and standing in the sunshine.. and my true wish for everyone is that they can have the same. It IS all about choices and perception and nothing more.
Here we are 10 days later and my headcold turned into sinusitis- I ended up at the doc a week ago and left armed with antibiotics to take daily. I finished those yesterday, and while I’m feeling much better, I’m still not feeling the way I ‘should’. For a few days there- I really let it annoy me- after all I have things to do- important things and being sick is keeping me from it.
Guess what? Getting frustrated and annoyed didn’t change what was- I was still sick, and fighting against it didn’t change the reality of it. So I decided to just let go- and just go with things. Last night, I was coughing and annoyed and tonight- I’m feeling a lot better. Still not where I need to be, but I’m getting there. I’m looking forward to getting back to the everyday things of life- but in the meantime I’m just doing what I can and accepting that this is where I’m supposed to be right now in this moment. It is what it is.. and fighting against it won’t change it.
So what I am doing is watching Life Class with Oprah. If you haven’t seen it- you should visit Oprah.com and check it out because it’s definitely worth your time. Today’s was a live stream with Iylana Vanzant. I’ve been a fan of hers for years- so it’s great to see her and Oprah working together again.
One of the quotes they shared was “Whenever you argue against reality- you will suffer.” – Byron Katie
That was a proverbial lightbulb moment for me today- because I was arguing with the reality of being sick last night- and I have caught myself time and time again arguing against the reality of many things- all in vain. I’m sure I will need a reminder of this again in the future- but for today- I get it and I’ll just keep moving right along and being grateful where I am- instead of fighting reality.
Clap your hands! Clap! Clap!
That’s me- happy and if I wouldn’t send my iPad tumbling to the ground, I would clap.
If you saw me at the moment- lying on the sofa, still recuperating from this nasty bug I’ve had, you may wonder why I’m so happy because I’m confined to the house at the moment, mostly the bed and sofa.
There is something to be said about being forced into a position of healing and that you can either allow it to make you miserable (which I was at first) or you can use your unexpected life hiatus for the greater good of thinking, reflecting and embracing the good things.
-I’m enjoying the birds. They eat. They gather cat hair I’ve left behind for them to line their nests and prepare for their young. A simple thing really, but I bet if they could talk they would say thank you.
-The trees that were barren a few short weeks ago are almost in full green of new leaf growth. It’s breathtakingly beautiful.
– I have a wonderful and amazing husband. Yes, some days I want to strangle him, but I’m pretty sure he feels the same about me from time to time. It’s the ebb and flow of life, but we love each other and he’s overcome a lot. I appreciate him.
-I have been blessed with some amazing friends. Good true blue quality friendships. I’m grateful and embrace each one. I love them all and am focused on those blessings and have let go of those who aren’t real or genuine. We are all different and have our life paths. I’ve made a conscious decision to surround myself with those who encourage, inspire and want to enjoy this beautiful journey we’ve been given.
-There is SO much more.
My cup runneth over.
I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about in spite of the occasional uphill battle and hiccup that we all tend to have from time to time that life really is good. There have been people who have said to me that I’ve got the perfect life- and while that is far from the truth, I know that I am blessed and don’t take it for granted.
I’ve also noticed that as I’ve started really being true to myself and in doing what works for me that life has become even sweeter. I’ve started avoiding those who prefer to focus on the negative or tend to err on the side of drama. I’m definitely not judging them for their choices in life- I know it happens and some people prefer the chaos, but I figure life is chaotic enough from time to time on it’s own, I don’t need to have any extra additions that can be avoided, so I do. We all have to do what works for us and that’s the great thing about life- we have the freedom to choose what works for us and what doesn’t and make concessions accordingly.
My Gratitude List for March 31, 2012.
Today I’m Grateful For:
Yesterday I started a little Facebook hiatus in order to try to spend more time focused on other things that were far more pressing. My original plan was to just ‘go’ and not mention it to but a few of my closest friends and family (who I have contact with outside of Facebook), but then decided that since I get quite a few messages daily, that I really didn’t want people to think that I’d just ‘disappeared’, so I posted a little hiatus announcement. I love Facebook and most of my favorite people are there- but I’ve been spinning my wheels on a few things, and I knew that I really didn’t need the distraction- and lets face it- Facebook is a huge distraction. I don’t spend hours at a time on Facebook and 90% of the time it’s via the iPad or iPhone, but 20 minutes here and there adds up to precious time that can be better spent somewhere else – so I said adios for a while. It’s only day two and I know that it was the right decision.
This morning I woke up feeling grateful about many things. I was thrilled to look out and see blue skies (something we’ve seen far too little of lately), plus to see that my plants are starting to show a little green. Spring is definitely almost here and today’s weather is that confirmation.
My Gratitude List for March 11, 2012.
Today I’m Grateful for:
Being in the land of ‘dizziness’ has given me a lot of time to think. It has also given me some moments of frustration since I don’t do well sitting still for days on end- but that’s a story for another day. I take this as being my body’s way of telling me to stop and slow down for a lttle while. I finally stopped stressing about it and started listening.. Since then I’ve slept better and even though I’m still dizzy- I’m not constantly thinking about what needs to be done that I can’t accomplish at the moment. This is temporary and I’m doing what I can. That is what matters.
I am a thinker, an analyzer and sometimes that isn’t to my benefit. I overthink and overcomplicate some things, although I’ve gotten much better with that in recent years. I’m still a work in progresss, but I’m really starting to realize what matters more and what doesn’t.
There was a time (even recently) when I would give a lot of time thinking about why certain people tend to be so catty and negative about people they are supposedly friends with. I was one of those people that they did that with on occasion. I did not get it, but would spend hours evaluating it from every angle trying to ‘get it’. Finally- I realized that I wouldn’t get it- because I can’t see things from a perspective of jealousy.
I’m not a jealous person. I’m not sure if I ever have been, although I’m sure the green monster has reared its head in my life at some point- it’s not something I can remember. I have insecurities- but on the whole, I’m confident in who I am. I want the people that I love and care about to be happy and successful and when they have triumphs and joys- I’m genuinely thrilled for them. I cheer them on and it brings my heart joy to see them succeed. So- I learned that it is impossible for me to understand the mentality of someone who begrudges another for their successes or who feels that their way is the only way. (We are all different people and have different ways of doing things- it doesn’t make one right and the other wrong- just different. I celebrate differences and have often learned things from seeing someone elses perspective.) I’m not interested in being a cookie cutter version of anyone. I’m me and I’m glad of that!
So I’ve learned in this week- so that makes it time not wasted.. I’ve learned you can’t make sense from someone elses nonsense when your thoughts and ideals are completely different. It makes it easy to just shake my head and move on.
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