Through The Tulips Words of 'Wiz'dom

Day 24- Something that makes you cry, in great detail.

I’m a very emotional person, so I tend to cry easily. Couple that with the fact that I am extremely empathetic and that would make me a crybaby by many people’s standards.

MANY things make me cry- both the happy and the sad.

To name a few- Happy meetings at airports (even when they aren’t my own), Death, Hormones, Seeing another extremely happy or sad, Hallmark commercials or anything that evokes emotion, Television shows, Emails, Facebook Status messages, and the list goes on.

It seems like other little things keep popping up that keep me from spending any time on the computer aside from work. Here I am a day later but better late than never, right? That’s what I keep telling myself anyway.

Day 23- Something that makes you feel better, in great detail.

This isn’t very specific, so I’m not sure in what context it’s meant, so I’ll be broad with my response.

When I’m sick, aside from medication making me feel better, knowing that there is someone there to offer me a kind word, to do something for me to make my life a little bit easier are all things that make me feel better.

When I am struggling (and since I often struggle in silence- there are few who would know), it makes me feel better to know that someone cares or to know that they are thinking of me.

Love- That makes everything better.

Day 22-  Something that upsets me, in great detail.

There are many things that upset me, but the topic of something that really has me going lately is childhood obesity.   It upsets me to think that parents complain about their children being overweight, but yet they are the ones who bring the food into the house; they are the ones who are responsible for putting the food on the table or taking the kids out to eat; aren’t making sure that the kids get enough exercise and then wonder how they came to be overweight. 

I’m no Saint and I’m still on my own weight-loss journey, but I’ve learned in the past six months that some people don’t really know what ‘eating healthy’ is all about.   I know that some people d0, but it seems that more often than not- people really don’t ‘get it’.  

I could go on and on about this- but I think I’ll stop there- you get the point.   Expect to hear more on this subject from me though.

Day 21-  Another moment, in great detail.

I like to focus on positive things, but when I read that I was supposed to describe another moment, I decided to write what came to mind.   That something is Carol’s death.     Truth is.  I can’t write about in great detail, because I’m still not at a point in my life where I can.  I am sure that day will come, and when it does, I will share it.   I know it will help to be able to write more about it, but right now- the words fail me.

All I can say is that when the moment occured that I knew Carol was not going to make it out of the coma she was in, that I honestly felt as though someone put my heart through a vise grip.     Those who know me, know that death sends me for a spin every single time- even when it’s someone that I hardly know- but this was different.    

Carol was, for many years the closest person to me.   We were very different people, yet she was like a sister to me.  She was more than my aunt, for many years she was my best friend.    Losing her was beyond comprehension to me, and in some ways- it still isn’t real.

Since that day in early March, I’ve lost 4 other people that I knew- even if not well.   Since March, there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about death at least once.   Sometimes, it’s more than once.     Some people will say that it’s a part of life, and while I know that to be true mentally- I can’t seem to wrap my heart around that idea.

That one moment- I will never forget.

Day 20-  This month, in great detail.

This has been a month of mixed emotions so far.  I’ve been to a funeral which really sent me on a tailspin for a little while, found out earlier this week that my uncle has cancer and not sure what the prognosis is.  

On the whole, it has been a great month.   I celebrated a late birthday with four friends on Wednesday for a high-tea.  The food was good and the company even better.   I’ve also made many impromptu trips to Starbucks and spent time with friends.    Haven’t seen Desere that much because she’s been on vacation in Greece.  We’ll pick her up at the airport on Sunday, along with Hein and the rest of the family.

My iPhone 4 arrived, which meant  a whole lot of excitement on my part.   Work has been good, and there have been rainy and sunny days- today happens to be sunny.   I find that I’m letting go of people who only have the desire to take, because I would rather spend my time and energies with people who also want to invest in relationships and not just take from them.   I’m learning a lot about letting go and moving on, because dwelling on things I can’t change serve no purpose.

Ainsley and Olivia started college and I’m so proud of them.  This is a big time in their lives- and also the lives of Samantha and Tommy. 

The rest of the month will keep me busy with work, plus I am getting together next week with friends, and then again on the 30th Bobbi and I are headed south to visit our friend Kimmie.

If I could sum up this month in one word- I’d say blessed.   I feel blessed.

Day 19-  Something you regret, in great detail.

I really try not to live my life with regrets.  I’ve made plenty of mistakes that I’m not proud of, along with some very stupid choices- but honestly I don’t regret them because the lessons learned from them have helped mold me into the person I am today.

Looking back- if I had to choose something then probably the biggest regrets that I have are hurting people that I love.  Not intentionally, but I know when I was younger I wasn’t always the best friend or maybe even the best daughter.

Day 18- Your Favorite Birthday, in great detail.

This is another hard one-   simply because I have so many great birthday’s.    Last year when Samantha turned 40 and visited for both her birthday and mine was an awesome experience.  We traveled, had a great time and ate lots of chocolate.  It definitely ranks in the top of my favorites.

I think if I had to choose an absolute favorite, it would be when I turned 21.   I had three parties-   One with friends at a mexican restaurant,   one  very wild and out of control party at a huge warehouse and a surprise party that Carol, Kristina and Kerri gave me.   I was on top of the world and grabbed life by the horns.   It was a wonderful time of life and I remember it with a huge smile on my face.

As you have probably figured out, I’m running a little behind on my little 30 day of honesty adventure. The hosting company had an attack on their servers which created some problems and I’ve been so busy that the only time I’ve really spent at the computer is when I’ve been working.

I’m happy to say that for the next three days I’ll be home for the most part, with the exception of picking Hein, Desere and the boys up at the airport on Sunday. They’ve been in Greece for the last 11 days, so it will be great to see them all again. Desere and I have a date at Starbucks.

I do have much to talk about, but little time- especially if I want to catch up before I have to start my work day- So, here goes.

Day 17- Describe your favorite memory- in great detail.

Wow!  These seem to be getting harder and harder.   Either that or I’m actually having to think about the answers.     This one is extremely difficult to me because I have so many favorite memories that there is no way I could dare quantify one as my absolute favorite.   Instead, the memory I share is one of my favorite- of many.

The year was 2005 and my parents, Marcel and I took a trip to Scotland.   My dad’s ancestors are from Scotland and for as long a I can remember he wanted to visit the ancestrial castle (where some of our distant relatives still live).    We spent a week in the country and dad drove us through the countryside.   We were amazed at how different the weather could be from one moment to the next, but finally after being there several days we crossed over the Skye bridge and headed onto the Isle of Skye, which is where the McLeod ancestry is from.     

I’d actually emailed back and forth with the people at the castle and they tried to get us connected with John McLeod  (who lives in the castle with his family), but he was out of the country the week that we were there.    Even still, we toured the castle and it’s truely one of the most amazing places I’ve ever been.   Possibly because I know it’s owned by family, but also because it’s beautiful.  The gardens are gorgeous.

One of my favorite moments came when we were walking down the path towards the castle.  We couldn’t see it yet, but mom and dad were walking in front of us, and it hit me that diddy (my word for daddy) was having one of his biggest dreams come true right before my very eyes.   I couldn’t help but cry at the magnitude of that moment.    Even now, when I think about it, I find myself with tears in my eyes.   The joy that it brought me to see him realize one of his dreams was beyond words.