I called Sheila earlier to see how she was doing. I knew she’d been struggling but I know by talking to her I have to confront the very things that I’ve been trying to avoid- and that something is Carol’s death. I know- for someone who is a take-the-bull-by-the-horns kind of girl, I’ve been avoiding this whole thing. Not Sheila- I love her dearly, but anything that puts me in that path of the sadness I feel when I think about it. It being the life changing event of Carol’s death.
I love Sheila dearly and the truth of the matter is I WANT to be there for her. I wish that I could go back in time- wave a magic wand and give her the life that she deserved to have. It wasn’t that she had a bad life- she didn’t. She had parents who love her very much- but things should have been different, but they weren’t.
I put my own self aside and called her. We had the small talk and this time she opened up to me- really opened up to me and I was able to talk to her- cry with her and open up. When I hung up the phone- I felt gutted. I still do- I feel as though a blanket of sadness has been thrown over my head and I know there’s nothing I can do but walk through it.
Sometimes… if having a magic wand were enough- … I know this too shall pass- but it’s one of those things that will take a while. I’m trying to give it that time.