Through The Tulips Words of 'Wiz'dom

Today I went to a birthday party- my first ‘gathering’ of more than a few people in more than a year and a half. It felt good. The morning was spent tidying up a project I’m working on, which I feel is now ready to be called ‘done’. I’ll look over it again tomorrow and make sure all the guidelines are followed to the letter- than I’ll submit them. Then it’s wait- and see how everything unfolds & all going as planned, later this year I can share with the world.

I finished my quarterly business taxes and walked the dog- and made it inside just before it started to rain- That in itself made me smile, as it could have turned out completely different.

I didn’t work out today- I originally planned to, but last night my stomach decided to have some issues and I didn’t sleep well last night & I didn’t have the energy, so I didn’t. My steps are far below what they normally would be, but yet- rather than feeling the desire to get out and make sure I check all the boxes, or in this case close all the rings- I’ve used my time otherwise, and having those essentials checked off my list today, a few days early leaves me days free that I hadn’t planned- which means- more time for fun- and more time for plotting other adventures-

It’s all about finding the balance that works- It varies for everyone and is always changing as we do, but finding that sweet spot makes all the difference.

Shame- it’s something which has come up in a lot of conversations recently & also something I’ve realized about myself in the last year of coming face to face with what has held me back in my life. Shame– not packaged as so, but rather packaged in a way that would keep me from being me, so I am not ‘too much’ for another.

So many of us have unrecognized shame that manifests within our daily lives. In some cases it comes across as a bravado of not caring what others think, an armor to keep anyone from knowing what is happening inside- that we are fearful of not being enough.

In others of us- it has held us back in life without even realizing it- giving up, self- sabotage and feeling as though we can’t shine as it will seem arrogant, so we stop trying giving up just out of reach of goals.

I’ve thought a lot about this and done a lot of work and research- not for others but for myself. In the midst of seeing so many people I love spewing hate towards others- and it seeming so foreign to me- I dug deep and peeled back layers that I’m still peeling back, yet I’m learning and in some cases unlearning how everyone else has expected me to be and letting that go so that I can fully be me.

More on that .. but I’m still learning and probably always will be.