Through The Tulips Words of 'Wiz'dom

My heart is so heavy today- with Ida beating down the Gulf Coast- especially Louisiana and the devastation that was left in its path. That on the anniversary of Katrina- How does one even begin to process reliving the trauma of 16 years ago all over again?

I think about the people in California who are struggling in the fires- the people in Palestine and the Afghanistan people. So much suffering and tragedy- there are days when I don’t know how to manage & yet on the grand scheme of things I know how very blessed I am in my own life. I can choose to ignore but yet- where is the human in humanity in that? So I tether along trying to decide how I can best be of service to those in need.

I feel in life as though I am on a cusp of something different. So many huge happenings for myself- and it has meant closing some doors to allow others to open- to challenge myself and yet also be open to say no- and also recognize the right opportunities when they appear.

Some things no longer serve me- yet I continue to hold on out of habit- security- or who knows? What I do know- in order to continue this path- I need to keep trusting the process- and learn that letting go means trusting- and accepting the new beginnings that will be even better. It doesn’t mean they will always be smooth sailing- but it means knowing that ultimately- I’m doing the right thing- When you know, you know. Trust the process including the growing pains-

Have you ever thought about how sometimes it isn’t what it said that speaks the loudest, but what isn’t said? I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately and how it seems that so many have stopped having conversations, but find it easier to simply walk away- While in some cases, I supposed that is essential- in most it would be nice to believe that we can sit and have conversations- even difficult conversations without feeling we need to discount someone else’s thoughts or feelings.

Being open to hear someone else- even when we don’t necessarily agree- is an opportunity to learn. Don’t we all want that for our lives? It has become clear to me that definitely isn’t the case. Not everyone grows at the same pace- and that’s ok.

I am SO grateful that my knee has ‘mostly’ been cooperating with me and that I’m able to get out and walk more these days- Today I’m at a little short of 9km and before the day is over, I know I’ll have that easily.

Walking and spending time in nature is my space for thought and meditation, plus it is a firm reminder the importance of health and mental well being.

The temps are starting to show signs of Autumn and as my bath water runs- I’ve made myself a cup of tea- something I only drink in the cooler months of the year. It’s 64 degrees F & while I had thought I may spend some more time outside this evening- I decided in the end to curl up with a good book or the last episode of Gossip Girl and relax.

Recently I had some thoughts about how I’ve been talked about behind my back by others- and wondered ‘why’ rather than having a conversation- but this morning I came across a quote from Wayne Dwyer that said, “What other people think of me is none of my business.” No truer words could be spoken- and the reality is- do I care what others think? If I know I’m living my life with authenticity and integrity- that’s all that matters to me in the end. I know the right people have and will continue to be in my life. That is what matters and the rest- simply noise.

I’m living it up Friday night- waiting for my grocery delivery and sipping a H2O cocktail- haha It’s 7pm and I’ve spent quite a bit of time outdoors today exercising, some of which was unexpected exercise when I saw that the heather is in bloom when we were out and about. So that became a quick Google search of finding a great place to walk and explore- It was a great unexpected opportunity and taking the road less traveled definitely gave us some unexpected gifts.

Speaking of opportunities- I am so excited to be given an opportunity to be a part of a project and also so excited to be a part of the baking community- There is so much love, encouragement and inspiration, which feeds my soul on so many levels. I am so grateful for the friendships I’ve formed and the people who have become a regular part of my life. It’s such a blessing.

Right now- I simply feel grateful. I know big things are headed my way and I’m shifting how I do things to be ready for them. That includes continuing to let go of what does not serve my well being- and being authentic all the time-..

Fall- That’s the other “F” word that is on my mind currently. But because I promised three friends that I wouldn’t use the word as they are refusing to think about another season until they can fully embrace the last few weeks of the current one- aka Summer.

Unless Mother Nature has other plans that have yet to be revealed, this has been a mild Summer season. I’m honestly not hating it, because as much as I love the sunshine and spending time outdoors- I also love cool evenings and sleeping without getting sweaty-so for me this has been the best of both worlds summer.

Life has been weird and discombobulated – so much so that yesterday I asked my mom if I was adopted as I definitely feel at times as though my thought process matches up with so many other members of my family- She laughed,, of course, but I often wonder what has happened to the compassion and empathy of some of the people I love.

Same holds true for a few friendships as well- as I’ve realized as of late that not all people want to see us grow and thrive- because it challenges their own comfort. There is nothing wrong with the latter- but when you expect others to stay where they are simply because it doesn’t mean you have to confront yourself- and resent them for embracing change in their lives- I’m not sure what to think. It has definitely been a reminder that the full moon is making its way into our atmosphere and looks like it may be a doozy for some.

I feel as though I’m in this season of growth- but right now pausing- taking inventory as if I’m about to launch into space- The Train Song- Drops of Jupiter comes to mind. I feel the urge to learn something new- expand on things I already know- and spend time with those I love.

Yesterday I was having a somewhat difficult day. Technical issues that continue to plague me- and if you know me you know I don’t allow myself to be beaten by tech often. I’m still unsure what the issue is- but I’ll get there eventually.

That along with several other things happening- I felt simply overwhelmed and sad. I know when I’m emotional that I need to take a step back and process. I could feel my cortisol rising and having the stress reaction- a sure sign that I need to get myself in check.

I was actually feeling somewhat down- simply from the burden of everything when I received an email from a project I turned in a while back. It was the completed project and asking me to check everything for edits- and send in by Monday. Seeing my work all completed and how it’s going to appear was absolutely mind blowing to me and I may have shed a tear or two. Immediately I felt a load lifted from my shoulders and I realized that the path my mind was headed down was not the path I needed to be on. I considered this a little reminder from the world around me that my focus was veering and I needed to continue to focus on the beautiful things happening for me in the world.

Today was not much easier- but I felt better on the whole. My perspective was different and so was my focus. I went to my stylist- had a cut and color. Did edits I needed to do and submitted those- plus I have the evening to myself.. Looking forward to quiet, but first a nice bath.

Yesterday I got word that Marcel’s uncle passed away. His aunt’s husband- who had been struggling with dementia and other health issues for a while. It wasn’t unexpected, but at the same time- it is never ‘easy’. Grief isn’t easy. Losing people is simply not easy. Yet, grief is a price we pay for love and despite earlier feelings this year when I lost not only Denny but also a friend within days of each other & I felt not loving would be less painful, I can’t imagine not loving.

I also found out that the day before that- a childhood friend and one of my first ever crushes (and ultimately rejections) passed away due to Covid 19. At 55 years old & unvaccinated. He still had so much life left to lead- had recently got engaged and was planning a life with her. That’s all been taken away from them both and those who loved him are left behind to deal with that ‘what if’s’ that will never be answered. One thing is for sure- more than likely had he gotten the vaccine- he would still be here today. A sad reality of the choices of so many these days- which is also taxing the hospital systems to the max.

I have strong feelings about this- and as someone who always wants to understand the thoughts of someone else and what drives them- this has become something that has been a source of frustration and anger for me. Not something I can change- but I can change how it causes me to react.

As for now- It’s time for me to take some time to process and grieve- as I can feel that I am a bit off kilter.

Today has been a day full of gratitude- some because of little things- and some of bigger things.

After spending more than five hours trying to repair a connectivity issue with the Sonos- I finally fixed it this morning in about 20 minutes. How did I celebrate? I turned the music up on Spotify and I danced it out- I thought about my friends, the people I’ve lost this year and I cried a bit- but in gratitude of having the opportunity to love them all.

Today is also the ten year anniversary of me starting my business, Southern Charm Cupcakes, which started as a way for me to share my love and passion of baking and creating with others- which later evolved into High Teas and catering. It has been one of my life’s greatest joys.

For a while I felt as though I lost my joy and mojo for so many things- including baking, but I have noticed that it’s starting to return and that makes me happy.

For so long I felt as though there was always someone better than me- and I’m sure there is- but at the same time- by feeling that way- I was discrediting my talents and abilities. People would tell me how much they love what I create and the flavor combinations and it would bring me so much joy- yet part of me didn’t feel like I deserved the praise and accolades despite the hard work and effort.

It has only been recently- that I realized that arrogance and confidence are not the same and it’s ok to be thankful and confident about my abilities without being arrogant about them. For me- that is not only freeing but also celebratory.

I am in the process of reworking how my business goes- but one thing is for sure- the base will always be to connect with others. That matters most to me. In both business and life- Real connection.

Stay tuned.